Phantom
by Vera-Sama
Summary: A parody of sorts of "Phantom of the Opera". Oneshot, obviously AU, Crackfic. MxM, mentioned LxL. Rated for language and mentions of sex. But trust me, nothing serious. At all. I hope it's as funny as the idea was in my head. XD


Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. I also don't own Phantom.

AN: I literally just got the idea for this crackish little fic, and just had to write it. It's a oneshot/drabble type thing. Really, what's the difference in a drabble and a oneshot anyway? Still, the idea amused me, so here you go. XD Be warned it's odd, and random, and OOC…and has some bad language, but ah well. No spoilers, really...just odd yaoi jokes.

-PHANTOM-

Matt was but a lowly chorus dancer, barely sixteen, and dying to show his true talents to the world. You see, Matt had a beautiful singing voice, much better than the Opera's star, Light. Still, it could not be helped. Social statuses were unchangeable, and the poor orphan could never hope to dethrone the Prima Donna that was Light Yagami.

"It's not fair!" Matt mourned one night as he sat in his room with his best friend, and fellow chorus dancer, Near. "What's so special about Light anyway?"

"Perhaps it's because the audiences seem to love him..." Near offered blandly.

"No…I think it's because he's sleeping with the owner." Matt decided.

"You mean the mysterious Ryuzaki?" Near asked. "Besides, you shouldn't feed the rumor mill…"

"No, I mean Ryuzaki…the weird guy that slouches when he walks and eats cake all the time." Matt deadpanned. "Besides, I'm not feeding the rumor mill. My room is right across from his. I only had to hear so much 'Light!' 'Ryuzaki!' moan-groan to figure it out. Seriously, don't they know people are trying to sleep?"

Near blushed."Oh...that's different, I suppose…"

"I swear, it's as bad as whoever keeps playing that damn organ music in the middle of the night and rattling on about n Angel of Music." The red-headed dancer showed no signs of stopping his rant. "If I ever find the guy, I'll punch him."

"Hearing voices?" Near asked. "Perhaps the life of a chorus dancer is too stressful for you…"

"I'm not crazy." Matt snapped.

Near shook his head. "No crazy person ever thinks they are…"

"You know what?" Matt glared at the pale boy with white hair. "If you're just going to sit there and insult me, get lost." He huffed irritably before adding."Damn, man, I don't even know why we're friends..."

"Because we're the only two guys in the chorus, and the girls all think we're gay lovers anyway." Near offered.

"Yeah, you're probably—wait, what?" Matt blinked. "Gay lovers?"

Near shrugged. "That's what I heard Halle telling Wedy…"

Matt stood and forcibly moved the boy toward the door. "If that's what they think, you're sure as Hell not coming in my room in the middle of the night anymore."

"Fine." Near pouted, heading for the door. "I can tell when I'm not wanted. Good day, sir!"

With a slam of his door, Matt found himself alone. He sighed and decided with nothing better to do, he would go to bed. He'd just situated himself and closed his eyes when it started.

"Oh, Light!"

"Oh Hell no!" Matt exclaimed, covering his head with is pillow. It muffled the noises from the Prima Donna's room, but did nothing for the organ music that suddenly started to play. While there wasn't much he could do about one, he was determined to stop the other, once and for all. Throwing off his blankets, he followed the sound of the music to…his mirror? Upon closer investigation, he found that the mirror slid to one side, revealing a tunnel that lead down into the cellars of the Opera House.

With a shrug, as if to say 'I should've expected as much…' He started down the tunnel. After some time of following the tunnel and listening to the music grow louder, he came to a large lake…but no boat. About to give up and go back to his room, Matt tripped on a randomly out-of-place rock, and fell into the water. He was surprised to learn it was only about knee-deep. Standing up, he trudged across the 'lake', slowly approaching an odd, candle filled area on the other shore. He could now see the person playing the organ, and was surprised he hadn't been heard yet. Once on the other side, he pulled himself ashore before calling out. "Hey!"

No response, save for organ music.

Matt cursed under his breath as he stomped forward, grabbing the musician's shoulder. "Hey!"

"What the Hell?" The musician jumped up and spun to face Matt. Matt was surprised to see he was dressed in tight leather pants that left little to the imagination, a leather vest and gloves, a black silk cape, and a white mask over the left side of his face. He had blue eyes and straight blond hair.

"Who are you?" Matt asked, releasing the man's shoulder.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that?" The blond snapped irritably. "This is my house, after all. You're the one Breaking and entering."

"Yeah, well you're disturbing the peace." Matt snapped back. "It's after Midnight, man, give it a rest."

"It's not my fault." The blond argued. "I have to do something to drown out all that ungodly racket those two are making every night."

"You hear it all the way down here?" Matt wondered.

"Yeah, but it's worse in the bedroom." The masked man pointed to a door that lead off somewhere.

Matt was silent for a moment. Sure enough, the noise seemed…magnified...somehow. He shrugged. "I'm Matt. I'm in the Chorus." He looked around. "So you just…live...down here?"

"Yea, pretty much. I'm Mello, by the way." Mello extended his gloved hand, which Matt gave a hearty shake.

"Why?" Matt wondered.

Mello motioned to his mask. "I'm horribly disfigured…Not fit for human interaction…so I hide away and compose operas…" He then added as an afterthought. "And eat chocolate." He then reached over and picked up a chocolate bar, unwrapping it to take a large bite.

"Disfigured? Awesome!" Matt exclaimed. "I want to see!"

Mello tried to protest through a mouth full of chocolate, but it was too late. Matt reached up and pulled off the mask.

There was a tense moment, and then:

"Is that all?" Matt asked, setting the mask down with a thud.

"What do you mean 'is that all?' you Jackass…" Mello snapped angrily.

"You've got a scar. Big deal. Nothing serious." Matt shrugged before tilting his head. "It's a big scar, yes, but overall, it's kind of cute, actually."

"I'm the Phantom of the Opera, I'm scary and evil…not…cute…" Mello sulked, taking another bite of his chocolate.

"Sure you are…really cute, actually." Without warning, Matt leaned down and kissed him, pulling back with a smile. "Hm…chocolaty…"

"Jackass..." Mello mumbled again, blushing slightly.

"So…since we're both going to be up all night anyway…" Matt began, motioning toward where the sounds were coming from. "Any chance you want to see if we can beat them? Make some noise of our own? I mean, you are kind of hot in that leather and all…"

Mello considered if for a long, silent moment. With a sigh, he finished off his candy, and grabbed Matt's hand, pulling him toward the bedroom.

"FYI, I'm topping." Matt clarified as he was pulled off.

"No way I'm going to be bottom to a Chorus girl."

"I'm not a chorus girl; I'm a chorus…guy…"

"Your role is still the 'girl' role." Mello pointed out.

"Yeah, but I look the most masculine…" Matt argued.

"Whatever." Mello yanked open the door to his bedroom, and threw Matt inside before following and slamming the door behind him. "Let's just see where it takes us."

"Fine by me." Matt shrugged.

Some time later, some stories above the lakefront hideaway, Near was trying to go to sleep when he realized that Matt was right, and Light and Ryuzaki were rather…vocal. He did his best to tune them out and had just closed his eyes when he heard something that made his eyes snap open from shock.

"Oh, Matt!"

"Why am I the only one left out?" He asked himself with a pout, trying to tune it out and go to sleep.

-THE END-

AN: Yes, I know that was horrible. But if you giggled in the slightest, my work here is done. Don't ask me where this idea came from…I really don't know. Still, I hope it was worth the time it took for me to type it out, at least. Please R&R.


End file.
